Wake up Australia! Have we got a barbecue stopper for you 😊 We’re keen as mustard living in this lucky country and hope youse are ready to shoot the breakers, bend the elbow and let her rip this Australia Day.

But strewth! You can’t simply go full bore without a little prep first, so here’s the good guts.

Start the day by packing some maggot packs for you and the misses, and the carpet grubs will fang the mystery bags, little boys, or even some damper and flybog. And you’ll have them knocked for six if ya remember to throw in some Steel Rudds and dead ‘orse.

But hold ya horses, the tin lids will be as jumpy as a wallaby and dry as a dead dingo’s donger if ya don’t take some lolly water and moo juice, and you’ll be as useful as a glass door on a dunny if there’s no nellie for the trouble and strife.

Now that’s got everyone else covered, but that’s far from rough enough for the bush for the blokes and possibly ya blood and blister, and you’ll soon be accused of being a Tim Tam short of a packet. Stock up on the Victor Bravo and snake juice, and why not some steam for you and ya china plates so they don’t get stuck into ya, as it’s not a good day to have short arms and deep pockets!

Whether ya heading to woop woop or the beach this Australia Day, it’s gonna be open slather and first in-best dressed, but that’s no reason to act mad as a cut snake. And as it’s gonna be a stinker, throw in the budgie smugglers, the boardies and ya blunnies for ya clodhoppers, and take something for the butcher’s canaries as they’ll drive ya absolutely nuts. Oh, the ankle biters will be as happy as a dog with two tails if they’ve got a kick and giggle, but you’ll need barrels of fat in the sun.

So before Australia Day, don’t muck things up and have a head like a dropped meat pie, so use your ned and choof off to the Sydney Harbour to work some magic with ya scone and you’ll be right as rain. Get up early on the day so ya not a bath-dodger and honk, and make sure to put on ya best Jackie Howe and strides and don’t forget ya Reg Grundy’s. So give it a bash, you’ll come up trumps and she’ll be sweet.

And if the misses gets a bit stroppy, don’t stir the possum if you’ve gone to the pack and you’re going around with face fungus or even worse, a ziff.  And what about ya awning over the toy shop from drinking with the flies till ya ralph! Don’t pass the buck and try to be boss cocky if you’re really acting like froth and no beer because today’s not the day to be airy-fairy where there’s no flies on you.

And on the day, there’s nothing worse than acting like ya bent as a scrub tick coz no one wants to hang with a halfback flanker if ya can’t control ya lunatic soup and simply act the angora! Ya trouble and strife will be ropeable and think you’re a snag short of a barbie or worse still, a stubbie short of a six pack. So now’s not the time for argy-bargy and to whip the cat coz that’s just not cricket. She’ll be spitting the dummy and telling ya to get nicked in no time, and it will be all over, red rover!

At the end of the day, if ya zonked from shooting the breakers, just chillax and take a bo-peep at the tube. And before choofing off to beddy-byes where you’ll probably flake it, throw back a nice cup of tea, a Bex and have a good lie down in the nuddy or your jim-jams. But beware the drop bears 😊

So from us here in Adders to youse, wrap your laughing gear around this Australia Day, go troppo and have a real rip snorter as we’re all on the ham and cheese!

And if you’ve understood all this Aussie slang from this bloke and sheila, good onya mates. Happy Australia Day! 

Cheers guys, Grant & Linda.

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